Love does not die although bodies may perish from all sorts of hurts. Love disappears only when you do not understand what it means.

I was born on July 9, 1943 on Sago Lane. I was a cute and happy baby. But had my parents known what was in store for me, they would probably have given me away for adoption. Dad lost a thriving restaurant business. I had to learn how to cook, wash and clean by the time I was 10. My parents were happy and proud of me but their happiness and pride did not last long. There was little knowledge as to what really happened to cause my deafness. 

At 14, I went deaf. Why, I don’t know. One night blood and pus trickled down my cheek. Both my mother and father didn’t think much of it. My mother thought it was only a small boil which had burst open. The next morning, my hearing went. Mom was shocked. She shouted into my ears but I couldn’t make what she was saying. 

How much pain and suffering can a person take? I wrestled with that question many times. I’ve lost my hearing and now, I’m about to lose my sight as well. It all started with the right eye. I saw changing colors and black dots and I kept blinking. My parents did not take me immediately to the hospital for treatment. They just gave me eye drops and Chinese herbs. They only sought help when I was no longer able to see with my right eye and when my left one started give me trouble. I remember long stays in the hospital and daily vision tests, painful injections and bandages on my eyes. My hands were tied at night because they did not want me to touch my bandages. 

Every morning when the doctors came to check on me, I’d ask them if i would see ever again. One patted on my hand without replying my question. I just kept praying, “Oh I do not want to be blind and I do not deserve this eternal punishment.” 

I became blind.

There were days when I didn’t want to live. But there were good days when I would tell myself that it did not matter as long I am alive and well guarded by heaven’s love. I doubt if most people can understand what it’s like to be deaf and blind. 

I could not discern beautiful sights or sounds. But, I never saw or heard anything ugly either. God works in mysterious ways. 

~ Theresa Chan, in Be With Me on her deafness and blindness.